The Rule of Reciprocity

The feeling of reciprocity. Have you ever been given something by someone that is of value to you? What about a deed done by someone you have never met? How do you feel? Is it fair to say that you feel a sense of obligation?

Levine mentioned in his book,The Power of Persuasion: How We're Bought and Sold that we may feel several feelings, such as gratitude, a sense of decency and social responsibility, or simple feeling of guilt.

This feeling of having to pay back is term the 'reciprocity rule'. Or the obligation, or Giri as its' termed in Japanese.

It is known that if you need someone to do something for you, or buy something from you for that matter, you must show that there's something in it for them. Why don't you quench this need before you ask a favor from someone? This is an excellent way of 'breaking the ice', and sets a great first impression.

What companies do to 'make friends' is to give free gifts. Not because it is a reward for buying something, but a reward simply for 'being there'. The higher the perceived value of the gift, the more gratitude is exchanged, and eventually these people will end up being customers, and also provide referrals.

Have you ever been told by a friend on where to get a free t-shirt, or movie ticket, or even a free holiday?

Take a look at timeshare companies who gives people free watches and holidays stays just for coming down and listening to their presentation.

Religious and non-profit organizations can easily bring in the buck through donations. For example people on the streets are given free, artistic crafts made by young orphans in a third world country. This type of offerings will most certainly get an obligatory respond through an exchange for money.

But the rule of reciprocity does not last long, as pointed out by Levine. For example, giving a raise to an employee to get them to be more loyal and work harder will only last for a short while before the employee rationalize that they deserved the raise to begin with. The term use for this rationalization as stated in The Power of Persuasion: How We're Bought and Sold is called "justification leak". The problem may result in the expectation that this raise (or any type of offering) will be a future norm.

That is why sometimes when something is offered for free is often considered dangerous. "Despise the free lunch", and "pay your own way to stay clear of gratitude, guilt, and deceit", is quoted by Robert Greene in his book, The 48 Laws of Power.


Exchange for time

An obligation to pay back someone for the time spent is also another form of the reciprocity rule. Imagine if a salesman spent an entire hour explaining to you about a product, how would you feel? Would you at least consider to buy from that person because of the time and effort that was put in to explain the benefits of his/her product to you?

Often than not, a sales professional like a real estate or insurance agent will use this reciprocity for time to their advantage by making you think that they are in demand and that their time is very precious. 'Time is money', have you heard of that saying? And have you had the experience where a sales professional (usually the commission based ones) phones you up to make an appointment to explain to you the latest investment product, but also explains to you how their time is fully booked for the next 6 month? Then they go on to say that they will slot some time for you in between appointments, because they think you will benefit from this product and that they think you are special and deserves this attention? Sound familiar?


An act of kindness may not be what it seems

At this time I want to point out how much people abuse kindness, and use the act of kindness as a fishing hook to bait so many vulnerable people to get them to hand over their money.

There are so many con man out there that exploits reciprocity on unaware or timid individuals. You often read news of the elderly being con of all their money from someone who come across as kind and generous. A few decades ago we can see countless so call religious cults asking people to donate all their money to the organization for an exchange of peace and a ticket to heaven. You have also seen on the news many years go where cult leaders were easily able to influence people to take their own lives. These cult leaders do not coerced individuals, but act as a father figure, a role model, a mentor. They are seen as a symbol of goodness, honesty and is considered to be 'the perfect' human being.

I'll finish this section by a quote written by Robert Levine, 'there's nothing inherently manipulative about giving or receiving. The challenge is to separate the manipulators from those with good intentions, the enemy tribes from your allies'.